If you are familiar with how J.K. Rowling describes what it is like to be around dementors, it is a lot like that. Every good feeling, thought, memory, emotion is sucked from your body.
"It’s no coincidence that [dementors] are a portmanteau of dement and tormentor. If you want to understand what depression feels like, these gravity-challenged entities hit the mark: “If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself… soulless and evil. You’ll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.” They then “freeze your insides”. And to top it off: “they don’t need walls” to keep their prisoners, their prisoners become “trapped inside their own heads”.
From: http://www.mamamia.com.au/jk-rowling-depression-dementors/
In fact, J.K. Rowling has experienced severe depression and even struggled with suicidal thoughts. She knows.
It is not possible to just "get over" depression. Telling a person with depression to just cheer up is like telling someone with lung disease to take two aspirin and stop breathing so funny.
Recovery is also not linear.
The last two days have been very bad.
I am doing what I should be doing. I am getting out. I am gardening. I am exercising. I am meeting friends. I even came up with 11 new ideas for children's books and got art supplies today to get started on one I've already written!
But I cannot shut off the negative thought loop inside my head. I'm reading about all sorts of things to try to shut it off, but nothing seems to take hold and I cannot describe how mentally exhausting it is to constantly try to redirect my thoughts. Eventually, I'm just too tired to keep pushing them away and they take over again.
I know this will pass. I'm just so scared I am never going to escape the cycle.
No comments:
Post a Comment